Do's and Don'ts for Difficult People Wanting to Change Part IV: Self Awareness

In keeping with the theme of self-awareness and being easy to get along with, it’s imperative to be aware that words can hurt feelings, even in jest. It’s never safe to assume that people know when we are joking with them. Even if our intentions are benevolent, one person’s humor may be another person’s heartache. We should never assume people share in our sense of humor.

A seemingly harmless comment can hit a nerve with someone, and we would have no way of knowing this ahead of time. We must be sensitive and aware of how our words and actions are perceived, because a person’s perception is their reality. If a person is made sad by purple polka dots, then we should not make jokes about purple polka dots, as insignificant to us as it may seem. Walking into a room where no one is talking and saying, “hey, who died?” is a perfect example of this. A tactful person should make the assumption that perhaps someone did die.

It’s important when striving to be a less difficult, more likable person, to not get too comfortable in any situation. This applies to work, family, and relationships. We might not think we need to set boundaries with family and friends, but just because these are less formal relationships than our work relationships, doesn’t mean they should be given less credence. This can take the form of monopolizing conversations, being selfish, minimizing people’s points of view, talking over them, and acting in any other way obnoxious.

It’s especially critical to watch ourselves in love relationships, because it is these relationships in which we can get very comfortable very quickly. One good self-check would be to ask of oneself, “am I still the person he or she loves? Have I changed in any way for the negative? Have I made hurtful comments, even in jest? Would I speak to a new partner the way I speak to my current one? Do I still possess the qualities that drew me to him or her?” If there’s any doubt, it’s time reel ourselves in for a self-checkup. Otherwise, people risk slipping back into old and unhealthy ways of relating to people.